Peace in the Pool ~ Serenity in the Sauna

I have been writing this post in my head for several days. . . and things keep getting in the way and making me forget what the heck I wanted to say! 

Which of course ties right in with what I was thinking... namely that this world has too many distractions and it is hard to take the time to concentrate on any one topic for long. We live in a world with constant stimulation and it takes a concerted effort on our part to find a place to have time for piece and quiet. 

It is odd, I know, with as much time as I spend alone in the car for work, you would think that I could spend hours contemplating life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Unfortunately driving requires concentration skills that on long drives seem to be remote and automatic but at the same time they prevent me from getting too deeply in my head. I listen to books on CD instead to keep my mind occupied and still allow myself to focus on the road. 

I found one such place of peace at the pool. The only sounds in the pool area are the pumps and HVAC system ... water splashing if someone else is in the lanes next to me swimming. But generally it is so quiet that I can focus ... although with my compulsive need to count that doesn't always last long. Yes I count steps over and over again ... I don't believe I fall in to the OCD category, but I am compulsive about certain things. Counting is one of them ... OK so now you know another oddity about me. 


Back to the peace in the pool ... so in the time I have spent there I am finding myself thinking about life and options at this point in time and I have decided that it is the most zen place I know in which to think. People in the pool doing laps do not chat with one another other than to say hello or ask if another person can see the clock (yep I am blind). So the hour I am spending in the pool gives me plenty of time to consider ... well between steps ... what is happening in my life. 


I have also discovered that the sauna is a serene place where no conversations take place (normally) and since I am lying still it requires no counting of steps. Of course I still have a brain that is like a hamster in a maze jumping from one thought to another. But maybe that is normal, even without external visual or audible stimulation we still are capable of distracting ourselves. I have often wondered if this occurs when we come too close to the truth about something so the "universe" bumps us in another direction to distract us. If we are focused on the task we will keep coming back to that thought and eventually make sense of where we were going. 


I wonder how philosophers of the past could focus so intently on their given tracks of ideological thinking and remain so focused. Was their world so much less visually or audibly stimulating or were their powers of concentration so much better? Maybe I am just easily distracted...ADD? 


I have a friend who is the lead singer in a band and I got to hear his band preform in Cleveland last fall. After the show his mom, brother and his girlfriend and I spent and hour with the guys in their travel trailer. One of the guys came in put on his ear phones and got on his computer and started writing more music...sitting right in the same space where everyone was chatting and laughing and his ability to focus on what he was working on amazed me. He was able to pay NO attention what so ever to what we were doing. I do not understand that kind of focus. . . it is so foreign to me. 


Computers make it difficult for those of us who are easily distracted...I keep 5 tabs open on my ISP at all times. They are BBC News, Yahoo, Work, Facebook and Psychology Today. Now here is the problem... if I leave myself logged into Facebook while I am on the work tab and I see the little pop up that there is a message I HAVE to check and see what it is. . . which leaves me with only one option ... log the heck out of FB while I am working. At the same time I frequently feel compelled to check what is happening in the world via the BBC and generally want to share what I have learned via FB so I end up logging back in and then the vicious cycle begins again.


I think that it is fairly normal for people to be distracted, or is it, what is normal any way? Isn't it overrated? I like to be unique and pride myself in being different than other people. It may just be my stubbornness but I hate to follow the crowd. Adriana, my future daughter in law's daughter was commenting on her outfit today saying that the current trends are just repeating the 80's and the shirt she was wearing would be out of style next year. It is crazy that at 10 she is concerned about fashion and what is in style! I am not a style maven and don't give a rip about what others say is in style personally I think some of the stuff that fashionista's say are stylish sucks! But I digress...


Back to the pool...so what have I learned ... I am thinking about going back to school. Yep again... there are a couple of things that interest me but I am not sure where I would go with them. Still checking it out I will keep everyone posted on any forthcoming decisions. 

I did stop by Antioch Midwest and pick up some information on the IMA (Individualized Master of Arts) programs. I need to discuss it further with a couple of instructors and see where I might possibly take this idea. I have an plan but will need to narrow the scope of said plan to make it a manageable degree. So I have made the first step. We shall see..... :)

Our World~ we are connected

Just this week a video released by the organization Invisible Children became viral on You Tube. In this thirty minute video the group makes everyone aware of the atrocious behavior of one Joseph Kony. For the last 26 years he has led a group called the Lords Resistance Army who have specialized in mutilation, kidnap, turning girls into sex slaves and conscripting young men into the army. These are the facts and they are undisputed.

What makes me very sad is some of  the responses to this video. Americans are very self focused and in my mind willfully stupid. Now many people are decrying the efforts of the group Invisible children and asking why isn't someone paying attention to the problems here in the USA, who cares about the African children who Kony kidnapped, raped or mutilated. They comment on the fact that he  (Kony) has been at this for years which is correct but the evidence has not been presented to us in a format that has caught on . 

In a world of willful ignorance where sport is god and free time is given to that god, little time is left for the average American to care or to educate themselves on what is happening on the other side of the world. That said media is a fickle master and it is the story of the moment that holds the attention of the puppet masters.

These same people who are upset about the attention this video has generated, want us to focus only on the events with in our borders. This would be a return to Isolationism, a task in a "Globally connected world which is virtually impossible today. The only way for us to return to an age where we are completely isolated would be for a catastrophic EMP (Electro Magnetic Pulse) event to occur, and if that were to happen life as we know it would end. Human beings could survive but only the intrepid and savvy who did not spend every waking moment in front of the computer or videos will succeed.

The group Invisible Children has finally captured the attention of the world the politicians and the press. Yes the man Kony is EVIL and Yes he has been at this for a long long time. And maybe this video is not the answer but it is the beginning of the conversation, and without the conversation we cannot get resolution. 

Remember every journey begins with just one step.

Mid life = The Age of Discontent

Everyone has heard about the "mid-life crisis" and when I think about this term I imagine a guy driving a red convertible wearing a shirt with the top 2 or 3 buttons undone and gold chains around his wrists and neck. This same image evokes a feeling of a slimy bastard trying to hit on  the younger version of the current wife, the one that is at home raising the kids and keeping the house. I think it is sad that this is what I imagine when I hear that term. What I am finding as I get older is that EVERYONE faces a mid life experience and maybe it is not a "crisis" but there is definitely an event or series of events that makes one sit back and take stock of their lives. 

I recently turned 46 and in chatting with my gal pals I am finding that each and everyone is questioning what they are going to be doing for the second half of their lives. The current life expectancy for the United States of America is 71 years for men and 80 years for women. This means that I am past the middle of my expected life span and I am on the "downward slide". I know without a doubt that I will be working in some capacity until I die. The question I wonder is will it continue to be in the current field I am in or will I be doing something else?

Each of my friends who are questioning life have worked for years in steady professions and are ready to do something "new". Some are contemplating returning to school for more education. Most do not want to continue in the same profession but are looking to learn something completely different. 

One friend is a self employed person and she was telling me the other day that she wants to become a nurse. I had two gut reactions to this statement 1) you are too old to become a nurse 2) you will never be able to do it because nurses are on their feet for a large portion of their shifts. Another friend who is a nurse has physical problems and really needs to find another job but cannot afford to return to school. Another has never been to college,  but in the current environment where the piece of paper showing you graduated means more than 20 + years of experience she cannot find a job that pays enough to support herself. 


It is frustrating to watch as everyone struggles with the changes that are occurring in the job market around them and the fears that accompany those changes. The ones that I have identified in chatting with friends are as follows; 
1) Will "I" be a viable competitor in the job market?
2) What do "I" need to do to compete against people who are 20+ years younger who grew up in the computer age.
3) How will "I" pay my bills and keep a roof over my head if I change jobs.
4) How will "I" manage with physical health problems as changing careers will mess with my insurance and "I" can't afford to not have insurance.


When life expectancy was much less these issues were not ever an issue. Men went to work and stayed in jobs for 30+ years doing the same thing day in and day out. That is what they knew and it was what they did. Today with both women and men working and the job market changing constantly people are moving from one career to another every 5 to 7 years and maybe that is what my friends and I have done wrong. We haven't changed jobs and moved frequently. In the company that I work for a large portion of the service reps have been with the company for over 20 years each and there are several who have been with them for 35 years. This longevity speaks more to the stagnation that occurs when one does not make the move to new company than it does to the employee desire to be loyal. They remain in the same place because they are paid just enough and given just enough vacation and benefits to keep them there, and that is it.

Release Me

March 10th will be the eighth anniversary of the death of the man that I once loved dearly. He has been on my mind lately because I still miss him and I don't think I ever recovered completely. 

Looking at me you would say that I am doing well, but in reality his choice to end his life and to do it at a time when I was the one to find him, has had a huge impact on me.

It has confirmed in my mind that I am not worthy... if I were then why am I always left alone? I have seen this time and again that when I let down the wall I get hurt. And the hurt is not just a minor thing that comes and goes quickly. 

I have attempted to date since his death, and for a brief moment in time things are good but then I find my self once again where I started, alone.

In thinking about things I was inspired to write the following song which as I was writing I was hearing my friend Telle Smith from The Word Alive screaming the lyrics. (here is a link to his band http://www.facebook.com/thewordalive )

Release Me

Our time was fun but you choose to go

Quit holding me back, you lost that role.

Not able to see beyond the pain at the bottom of your glass

You chose to tie that noose.

Chorus

Release me get out of my head

Release me you're already dead

And now it is ended 

The years they have flown

Your body is gone 

And still you harass me from the beyond.

Chorus

I want to move on 

It is way past the time

To make my final demand

So listen up here it is.

Chorus


Yes I know it is a very rough draft and without hearing the chorus screamed like the boys of TWA do it doesn't work!
 

Night Draws Near by Anthony Shadid

On Feb 16th 2012 the world lost Anthony Shadid an intrepid reporter who worked for the New York Times. He died from of all things an asthma attack while on assignment in Syria. I saw this news report and was saddened by the fact that while covering an uprising,  something as simple as his allergy to horses would kick him in to an attack and cause his life to end. 

I had no previous knowledge about Anthony prior to his death and only learned of it by catching up on the news from the BBC who had been covering the deaths of several reporters in Syria. I became intrigued by this man and discovered that he was a published author. His book Night Draws Near was published by Picador a division of Henry Holt and Company, in 2005. This book is about the lead up to the American invasion of Iraq and begins with background on the country and the people. 
It is a fascinating look at another world and how the American "Liberators" were viewed prior to the war and how the people of Iraq expected the events to unfold.  

There were two quotes in the book that I want to share, the first is from the Iraqi artist Mohammad Ghani Hickmat who said "We'll bend but we are not broken. They can bend us but they cannot break us. We are like palm trees. The wind will bend them but it never breaks them. We live. This is the Iraqi character. We cannot be broken." I discovered that he survived the war and passed away last year. Here is a link to his life story http://www.jadaliyya.com/pages/index/2641/farewell-mohammad-ghani-hikmat  

The second quote is from Wamidh Nadhme a professor from Baghdad University who said this before the invasion. "The American invasion has nothing to do with democracy and human rights. It is basically an angry response to the events of September 11, an angry response to the survival of Saddam Hussein, and it has something to do with oil interests in the area." "Even if the Americans are capable of overthrowing the regime, they will  face more and more resistance from factions and groups who are not necessarily pro-regime or armed by the regime." http://www.browndailyherald.com/campus-news/shadid-brings-reporter-s-perspective-to-iraq-war-1.1675624#.T0zUZnnZWSo

I have barely scratched the surface in this book and I am completely hooked to hear the story as it unfolds as told by an Arabic/American. You see Anthony was born and raised in America and was a valuable part of the NYT team because of his Arabic language skills. I wish I had been aware sooner and it had not been his death that lead me to his book. Here is a link to the story of his death. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-17071591

RIP Anthony Shadid.

Rare Disease Day

February 29th is Rare Disease Day it is a day to acknowledge that there are many people in the world who are living with diseases that are rare. Here is a link to their Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/rarediseaseday 

I wanted to share this since I have joined the ranks of those with a rare disease. I now fall into the 1.8/ 1000000 people who have PVNS (Pigmented Villonodular Synovitis). I think that the goal of groups like the one I have listed above and  NORD (National Organization of Rare Disorders) http://www.rarediseases.org/  is to raise the awareness of the world to these rare conditions. 

Currently PVNS is not even listed on the NORD site and that is frustrating because there are few people in the medical community who have begun to study this disease. Information is limited and there are no answers and no cure. To my knowledge there is no research being done on this either. 

The one place that I have found that I can get answers is on the Facebook page where others like me have gathered to share our stories and to commiserate http://www.facebook.com/groups/91851410592/ . Unfortunately the stories are all similar few of us are finding doctors who KNOW about this disease and many are being shuttled back and forth from one doc to the next all in the hope that the next doctor will know more. While others are being told that the doctors refuse to care for them any longer. 

Lack of knowledge and lack of funding for research are problematic and we need to find a way to fund research on a National/International level for this disease and for many others. 

Please take the time to educate yourself  and do what you can to help.

Thanks!!!

Awake Too Early

It is difficult to sleep when the mind is whirling trying to solve a problem for a friend. Being a friend requires one to listen a lot and speak little. Mainly because people like to hear themselves more than they are willing to listen to the advice they claim to need. Is that a terrible thing to say?
It is frustrating to watch someone self destruct when you know that if they would just shut up and listen they might find the answer that they are seeeking.

Oui vey, I wish I could just wave my magic wand and make problems disappear. Mine included, I went to see my shrink today and of course I don't allow myself to focus on what causes me to tear up long enough to figure out what causes the tears. So now my job is to allow the emotions and rather than try to solve the problem I am supposed to just observe. I am not good about letting my emotions surface. At my appointment I teared up for a few minutes and then said ok pity party is over now...to which she replied that I should not put and end to the emotion  by setting a limit to the feelings. OK that sounds good but I can't go around on a daily basis all upset and ok tears and go out in public like that...then when I get home I distract myself and don't ever get back to dealing with life. Which makes it difficult for me to be able to listen and advise others who are so self focused.