In 3 years I will be turning 50! Yikes !! Here is my dilemma; I love the mental challenges my current career provides. I work in an industry where things are constantly changing and I am always learning something new. And I really like that aspect of my job. On the other hand I work on medical equipment and I only got into this field as a stop gap to make it through raising children alone. Now my children are all grown up and I have made it through that phase of life.
Unfortunately as you can see if you have read any of my prior ramblings I am falling apart. I recently had a body scan because I have systemic joint pain and wanted to get a baseline view of what the heck is happening. The results showed that there is arthritis in all joints that were imaged, somehow my elbows and hands were not in the scan and I also have issues with them so I presume had they been visible the results would be the same.
So working as a field service rep is a physically demanding job and I am greatly concerned about how much longer I can do this type of work. I am more concerned because my options locally would be to return to a position at a hospital where I would lose quite a bit of money; but the benefit would be that o I would no longer have to travel. At this time I cannot justify losing so much money just to leave traveling. So now what?
At some point I fear (yes fear is my biggest stumbling block here) that I will be forced to change careers and I have NO money saved for a rainy day. I just watched a friend deal with that exact scenario. She had to have an unexpected major surgery and while out from the surgery her position at the hospital was filled and her benefits and pay were eliminated. She is now working again after being off work for 4 months but it has been extremely difficult and she is now facing eviction from her rental home.
I have been off work since 12/3/12 and I am facing a similar problem if I cannot be back to work by 4/2/13. I had planned on returning on 3/4/13 but the Orthopedic surgeon wanted me to stay home an extra four weeks which puts me returning the day before they would have to terminate me. So my current plan is I will be back come hell or high water on 4/1.
All the while I keep getting clues from the universe that I need to quit living in fear and make a change. So here is a run down of my recent Universal kicks in the butt...
3/04 The love of my life chose to self terminate.
9/04 I decided to go back to school
6/06 Graduated from Antioch University McGregor with my Bachelors in Humanities.
8/08 Struck by a car while walking across the street.
11/11 Diagnosed with Pigmented Villonodular Synovitis
11/11 Tore my Labrum.
1/12 Had a Hip Arthroscopy.
4/12 Broke my Pinkie.
7/12 Broke my Ankle.
12/12 Had a Left Total Hip Replacement.
3/13 Healing well but still unable to return to job.
4/3/13 Expected to report for jury duty!!! Yes you read that right two days after I am scheduled to return to work (because I am completely out of Short term disability not because I am back to 100%) I am supposed to report for Jury duty! Seriously???
I would really like to be able to embrace the insistance of the universe and do something different...but I have lots of bills, especially medical bills which I am racking up like crazy this year! I paid over 8 thousand last year out of my pocket on medical bills. These were the expenses that were on top of what my insurance paid.
How do you live a life in the moment embracing and accepting what is coming without fear? I do not want to be stuck with no options and I have been looking this morning at Masters degrees in Acupuncture. I had actually looked into this in 07 when I was seeing an Acupuncturist on a regular basis. And for some reason I decided against doing it. I cannot turn 50 and not have a plan for the remainder of my life.
My other thought is I love to knit and read and I would love to open a gathering space where people can come to sit and knit and chat and read and have tea and scones! I can visualize how I would set it up. Implementation would be the issue. . . how could I viably do something like this without it becoming just about selling and making money?
So I paused in writing for several hours and went out to lunch with my family and came back home and walked the dogs. 4:15- 6PM on 3/10 is always a rough time for me as Eric passed away just before 4 and I found him at 4:15 and ws unable to revive him.
Unfortunately as you can see if you have read any of my prior ramblings I am falling apart. I recently had a body scan because I have systemic joint pain and wanted to get a baseline view of what the heck is happening. The results showed that there is arthritis in all joints that were imaged, somehow my elbows and hands were not in the scan and I also have issues with them so I presume had they been visible the results would be the same.
So working as a field service rep is a physically demanding job and I am greatly concerned about how much longer I can do this type of work. I am more concerned because my options locally would be to return to a position at a hospital where I would lose quite a bit of money; but the benefit would be that o I would no longer have to travel. At this time I cannot justify losing so much money just to leave traveling. So now what?
At some point I fear (yes fear is my biggest stumbling block here) that I will be forced to change careers and I have NO money saved for a rainy day. I just watched a friend deal with that exact scenario. She had to have an unexpected major surgery and while out from the surgery her position at the hospital was filled and her benefits and pay were eliminated. She is now working again after being off work for 4 months but it has been extremely difficult and she is now facing eviction from her rental home.
I have been off work since 12/3/12 and I am facing a similar problem if I cannot be back to work by 4/2/13. I had planned on returning on 3/4/13 but the Orthopedic surgeon wanted me to stay home an extra four weeks which puts me returning the day before they would have to terminate me. So my current plan is I will be back come hell or high water on 4/1.
All the while I keep getting clues from the universe that I need to quit living in fear and make a change. So here is a run down of my recent Universal kicks in the butt...
3/04 The love of my life chose to self terminate.
9/04 I decided to go back to school
6/06 Graduated from Antioch University McGregor with my Bachelors in Humanities.
8/08 Struck by a car while walking across the street.
11/11 Diagnosed with Pigmented Villonodular Synovitis
11/11 Tore my Labrum.
1/12 Had a Hip Arthroscopy.
4/12 Broke my Pinkie.
7/12 Broke my Ankle.
12/12 Had a Left Total Hip Replacement.
3/13 Healing well but still unable to return to job.
4/3/13 Expected to report for jury duty!!! Yes you read that right two days after I am scheduled to return to work (because I am completely out of Short term disability not because I am back to 100%) I am supposed to report for Jury duty! Seriously???
I would really like to be able to embrace the insistance of the universe and do something different...but I have lots of bills, especially medical bills which I am racking up like crazy this year! I paid over 8 thousand last year out of my pocket on medical bills. These were the expenses that were on top of what my insurance paid.
How do you live a life in the moment embracing and accepting what is coming without fear? I do not want to be stuck with no options and I have been looking this morning at Masters degrees in Acupuncture. I had actually looked into this in 07 when I was seeing an Acupuncturist on a regular basis. And for some reason I decided against doing it. I cannot turn 50 and not have a plan for the remainder of my life.
My other thought is I love to knit and read and I would love to open a gathering space where people can come to sit and knit and chat and read and have tea and scones! I can visualize how I would set it up. Implementation would be the issue. . . how could I viably do something like this without it becoming just about selling and making money?
So I paused in writing for several hours and went out to lunch with my family and came back home and walked the dogs. 4:15- 6PM on 3/10 is always a rough time for me as Eric passed away just before 4 and I found him at 4:15 and ws unable to revive him.
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