The media's effect on Boston's tragedy

Yesterday the Boston Marathon had two bombs explode near the end of the race course. This event caused the death of 3 people and injured over 100 other people. While tragic and scary I believe that the focus of the media on events like this causes more harm than good.

I am in no way suggesting that this event is insignificant. But the constant coverage on all media outlets does the one thing that the bomber wants; it gives them attention for their cause. We are now instantly and incessantly informed about the minute details of the event.  Video and audio of the actual explosion or shooting are shown on almost every television channel. Witnesses are dragged between news outlets to repeat their story thereby increasing the fear factor of the viewers; which is the true goal of the media outlet. Because the more we fear the more frequently we tune in to see what is happening and thereby boost the ratings of the news program.  

The increased fear that the media produces causes panic and stress nationwide; potentially even world wide, and in my mind is counter productive. It makes people believe that we are living in a much more dangerous world than ever before; by perpetuating this story we are caught in their trap.



Our world has been corrupted by evil from the day Cain slew Abel. Evil is always around and a part of our world but it is up to us to determine if we make it the focus of our life. By allowing the media to make it our focus we are forgetting to live in the light of God's love.

Obla dee oble da life goes on

So a lot has happened since I last scribbled here... I had seen the doc on 3/1/13 and he wanted me off of work for an extra 4 weeks to allow my hip flexors to calm down. Sadly neither that nor the prednisone that my family doc put me on to reduce swelling had much of an affect and by 3/23 I knew that there was no way I would make it back to work on 4/1/13...D day as it were. . . the day my STD (short term disability) ran out.

I contacted my boss on Monday 3/25 to let him know the status of my hip and that it was not going to be ready to return on 4/1/13 and he began the proceeding to "involuntarily terminate" me from my job. I hate that term because in my mind being terminated is the equivalent of being fired but in this case I just ran out of STD disability time and I am now eligible to apply for Long Term disability. Arrangements were made for the boss to come out the following Monday and complete the paperwork, collect my inventory and the va.

The day arrived and the boss was stuck in NY at LaGuardia for a long time and I ended up counting the inventory myself and boxing it up. My co-worker Rob came to give me a hand with the packing and even with his help my hip was a mess. We had the van packed and ready by the time the boss arrived and after a quick chat he took possession of all the stuff  and we all went out to dinner for one last time together.

Junk going to the trash

A full van!

Bob (the boss) and Joe (Co-worker)

Rob (the poor guy covering all my accounts)

I am sad and relieved at the same time to see this era end. On one hand it is going to be so much better for my health to not be doing the driving and the lifting and hauling that I have done for the last 13 years. At the same time I am sad because I have so many customers and co-workers who are friends that will no longer be part of my life and that is difficult. I was able to send out an email to the customer's whose addy's I had and to co-workers to let them all know what was happening. I chose NOT to say anything disparaging about the company in either email and everyone thinks I quit on my own. I have enlightened a few but I figure it will make no difference in the end if they know or don't know the truth.

I am trusting and believing that it will all turn out ok and I will find a position that is more suited to my current physical capabilities and will be able to support me with out having to take a large reduction in salary. I have applied for unemployment and am filling out the application for LTD. At present I have NO income and am trying not to freak out over not being able to pay my bills. I contacted everyone to whom I owe money and informed them that I lost my job and will not be making payments until I figure out what money I will be getting. I am not going to get any severance from the company even though I did not quit my job which I think is a crock. I have an appointment tomorrow with an Attorney to discuss what I need to do at this point and find out if I should be receiving something !

I saw my Orthopedic surgeon today and sadly there is not much he can do at this point to help me since I have also lost my insurance. I am still having a lot of pain and he has suggested several things but all of them take a bunch of money to do and with out insurance it is cost prohibitive. So in the meantime I will gradually begin to exercise more and will build up SLOWLY this time rather than trying hard to push myself to get back to work. The office did give me the paperwork to fill out to get HCAP a health care assistance program. Just one more set of papers to fill out.

Such a frustrating day. . . so following this appointment  which mom came along to we stopped at La Chateline and had lunch and then stopped at Youngs Dairy for icecream on the way home. Then I started looking the jobs that are available in the area and I am so frustrated by what is out there .... while doing this I got a call from the guy, who is handling all my customers about an account in Cincinnati and he need some info about the account. I had told him it was ok to call and ask questions but it makes me sad to chat about the customers that I will never see again.

On a positive note I was with my son on 3/23 looking at cars and ended up getting a car because I came to the conclusion I was not going back and I have not owned a car in 13 years. So I came home that day with a 2012 Dodge Avenger I absolutely love it and am very happy I decided to be proactive and get it before I was jobless and unable to get transpo. Now to figure out how to pay for everything.  :-)

What to do, What to do?

In 3 years I will be turning 50! Yikes !! Here is my dilemma; I love the mental challenges my current career provides. I work in an industry where things are constantly changing and I am always learning something new. And I really like that aspect of my job. On the other hand I work on medical equipment and I only got into this field as a stop gap to make it through raising children alone. Now my children are all grown up and I have made it through that phase of life. 

Unfortunately as you can see if you have read any of my prior ramblings I am falling apart. I recently had a body scan because I have systemic joint pain and wanted to get a baseline view of what the heck is happening. The results showed that there is arthritis in all joints that were imaged, somehow my elbows and hands were not in the scan and I also have issues with them so I presume had they been visible the results would be the same.  

So working as a field service rep is a physically demanding job and I am greatly concerned about how much longer I can do this type of work. I am more concerned because my options locally would be to return to a position at a hospital where I would lose quite a bit of money; but the benefit would be that o I would no longer have to travel. At this time I cannot justify losing so much money just to leave traveling. So now what?

At some point I fear (yes fear is my biggest stumbling block here) that I will be forced to change careers and I have NO money saved for a rainy day. I just watched a friend deal with that exact scenario. She had to have an unexpected major surgery and while out from the surgery her position at the hospital was filled and her benefits and pay were eliminated. She is now working again after being off work for 4 months but it has been extremely difficult and she is now facing eviction from her rental home. 

I have been off work since 12/3/12 and I am facing a similar problem if I cannot be back to work by 4/2/13. I had planned on returning on 3/4/13 but the Orthopedic surgeon wanted me to stay home an extra four weeks which puts me returning the day before they would have to terminate me. So my current plan is I will be back come hell or high water on 4/1. 

All the while I keep getting clues from the universe that I need to quit living in fear and make a change. So here is a run down of my recent Universal kicks in the butt...

3/04 The love of my life chose to self terminate.
9/04 I decided to go back to school
6/06 Graduated from Antioch University McGregor with my Bachelors in Humanities. 
8/08 Struck by a car while walking across the street.
11/11 Diagnosed with Pigmented Villonodular Synovitis
11/11 Tore my Labrum.
1/12 Had a Hip Arthroscopy.
4/12 Broke my Pinkie.
7/12 Broke my Ankle.
12/12 Had a Left Total Hip Replacement.
3/13 Healing well but still unable to return to job.

4/3/13 Expected to report for jury duty!!! Yes you read that right two days after I am scheduled to return to work (because I am completely out of Short term disability not because I am back to 100%) I am supposed to report for Jury duty! Seriously???

I would really like to be able to embrace the insistance of the universe and do something different...but I have lots of bills, especially medical bills which I am racking up like crazy this year! I paid over 8 thousand last year out of my pocket on medical bills. These were the expenses that were on top of what my insurance paid.

How do you live a life in the moment embracing and accepting what is coming without fear? I do not want to be stuck with no options and I have been looking this morning at Masters degrees in Acupuncture. I had actually looked into this in 07 when I was seeing an Acupuncturist on a regular basis. And for some reason I decided against doing it. I cannot turn 50 and not have a plan for the remainder of my life. 

My other thought is I love to knit and read and I would love to open a gathering space where people can come to sit and knit and chat and read and have tea and scones! I can visualize how I would set it up. Implementation would be the issue. . . how could I viably do something like this without it becoming just about selling and making money?

So I paused in writing for several hours and went out to lunch with my family and came back home and walked the dogs. 4:15- 6PM on 3/10 is always a rough time for me as Eric passed away  just before 4 and I found him at 4:15 and ws unable to revive him.

Living life one day at a time.

Hello again, 
it seems as though I have dropped off the face of the earth but really I am still here. . . not much has changed since my last post.  I am still rehabbing my hip and I have started swimming every day and doing exercises both walking in the water and using water weights. I really feel good when I am exercising in the water; and then I get out and wobble away on land. I am now up to swimming freestyle (crawl stroke) for 40 minutes at a stretch with brief pauses to catch my breath at the 6-7 minute marks. I usually count 10 breaths and then go again. I am now averaging 3 laps every 5 minutes and this equals 1200 yards each day.

I am also walking the dogs around the block on nice days;which are few and far between.

I had hoped to be able to go back to work on Monday 3/4/13 but it turns out that since I am not actually 100% my orthopedic surgeon's office is not going to release me to go back. I wanted to come back after 12 weeks because that would leave me a cushion of 4 weeks just in case something else happened this year. Instead the OS wants my hip to be in a better position  before they allow me to return to work. I am relieved and frustrated at the same time. 
I am frustrated because I know how much work I have to do in March and now I am going to be worrying about it all getting taken care of; but at the same time I am relieved because I KNOW that my hip is not ready to sit in the van for long drives. I cannot sit in a chair that is a 90 degree angle for more than 1/2 an hour without swelling occurring. I am still having a lot of swelling which has my PA confused. Most people do not have this kind of swelling 12 weeks after their THR. 

I am concerned that the PVNS component is the reason for the swelling. Initially I thought that it was due to having to cut through the lymphatic system for surgery and maybe that was the problem; but I am in contact with many other young people who have had THR and NONE are having swelling after the first couple of weeks. I purchased a compression garment at Sears to help control the swelling and they help a lot but are really hot (temperature wise not looks). Diet Trim Slack Companion : Sears
 
I am going to order something different today from Amazon to help relieve the groin pain I am having every day and hopefully it will help with the swelling. Yesterday after driving 3 hours to and from the doctor's appointment my left thigh was 2.5 inches larger than my right one. Here is a link to the one I plan buying; actually I stopped writing and placed the order. At least with this I will be a bit cooler. Especially if I have to wear something all summer. Caio~

Cramer E6 Groin Hip Spica

Today is 6 weeks since my LTHR

So today is the 6 week mark from my Left Total Hip Replacement. In those six weeks I used my walker for 1 day just to get into my house. I found it was a pain to use inside. I then was on my lovely Mobi Leg crutches for 2 weeks using both and on just one for another week. Since then I have been using a cane to wander long distances but I am not using any support at all in the house. 

I had a lovely chat this morning with another PVNS hipster about how this darn disease is making us both feel as though we are 80 instead of mid 40's. I hope that I made the correct decision with having the LTHR and I hope that it will solve my PVNS issue, but there is no guarantee that it is the answer. More research and testing is needed we need clinicians that give a damn about us.

The National Rare Disease Day is coming up soon 2/28/13 and we need to get it together and make sure that our voices are heard so we can pave the way for those who will be diagnosed in the future. 

So back to my recuperation saga....


The day after I arrived at home I got a call from a nurse who worked for a home care company. I knew that they were going to send an RN over to evaluate me and draw some labs and I figured that was all that I would get. Instead I got four weeks of both RN checks and PT visits. Andy the RN came once a week just to check my vitals and verify all was ok and Duane my PT came twice a week and put me through my paces. I have to say it was lovely having them come to me rather than having to go to them since we got a bunch of snow during that time frame an I was not interested in going out and potentially falling in the snow.


To be honest recovery is not a terribly exciting adventure. I am sleeping when I am tired, eating when hungry, knitting when in the mood, reading when I feel like it and just dinking around on the computer when I feel up to it. 

I had gotten behind on my survey results and I am now all caught up. I am including the link again for any who have not had the chance to fill it out.
This is specifically for those who have been diagnosed with PVNS.
 PVNS Questionnaire
There have been 88 respondents to the questionnaire and of those there are 8 people with PVNS in multiple joints. This is a much higher rate than most publications have led us to believe. I find it very curious that in both the PVNS is pants group on Facebook and the responses to the questionnaire women outnumber the men. All medical documentation I have seen claim that PVNS affects more men than women but this is not what we are seeing. Now is it because women are more likely than men to reach out to a group for support than guys do? Or are there truly fewer men?
I spent many hours over the New Year's holiday capturing the names of all the members of the PVNS is pants group and I plan to send each of them a letter requesting that they fill out the questionnaire. I am hoping that a direct invite will inspire them to respond. But first I need to upgrade my fluid survey account to one that allows unlimited responses. I currently only have the free account which is limited to 150 responses.

Once again I meandered away from recuperation!

I keep forgetting to mention how much better/different my hip feels now that it is bionic! I no longer have the grinding, popping that my original hip was doing. The groin pain is still there but it is different. Before it felt like it had when I had torn the labrum. Now it is sore like a pulled muscle. I am hoping that the groin pain will eventually go away. The entire top of my thigh and around to the outer 1/2 of were completely numb after surgery. I am slowly getting the feeling back in my thigh but it is taking quite a while. 

Because I have a history of anemia and my iron counts were low in the hospital I called my Hematologist and asked if they thought it was a good idea to come back in to "fill up my iron tank". The doctor agreed that it would be a good idea and I am getting 6 IV infusion treatments of Venofer which is an iron replacement.  It only takes about 15 minutes for the treatment but there is a delay every time because they don't mix it up until I am onsite. So all ttogether I am at the Hematologist's chemo clinic for about an hour every Friday afternoon.
Venofer



I started out patient PT last week with Chrissy who is awesome. I am going to be doing PT twice a week for four weeks and then will hopefully be all done. Some days PT is brutal but I know it is for the best and without it I could be in much worse shape.

Last week I decided to start walking and I know that on Monday I did way too much but it felt good to be able to move. I went to the Town and Country shopping center and walked one loop around the inside of the building. According to several elderly "mall walkers" it is exactly a 1/2 mile loop. Then I had my PT appointment and after that I made a trip to my gym to check on the pool and see if it has been fixed yet. All together it was too much and I paid for it the rest of the week though.

I also thought I was a great idea to start driving to see how my hip held up with longer drives so on Sunday I did 45 minutes just driving around the Dayton area. Wednesday I drove an hour and Friday I drove another hour. During all three drives the hip felt ok. Friday was the worst but anything over the hour is still not possible.I am very concerned that my new hip will not be up to the driving that I need to do for my job. I figure I need to give it 6 months from the time I go back to work to see how it holds up. If after 6 months I am not doing well I will need to reevaluate my career path.

On Saturday I decided to go to the Emergency Department to have then check my incision. It has popped open in a couple of places and I can see a stitch sticking out. The incision is a wee bit red and my leg is swelling  I did not think it was a good idea to wait for Monday. So I went and they did an Ultrasound to rule out a DVT or Deep vein thrombosis (blood clot). Thankfully there were none and that looks ok. There was a minimal amount of fluid under the incision but over all they felt it was healing well. I sent an email via MY Chart which is part of the Epic EMR (Electronic Medical Records) program to my Orthopedic Surgeon's Physician Assistant and she emailed back that they wanted to see a picture. After reviewing the pic they agree it looks ok and that I could clip off the stitch that is hanging out. I haven't done it yet because there are no rough edges the way it is presently and if I clip it then the suture would poke out. . . maybe that is a dumb way to look at it but I don't think it is doing any harm the way it is now. Plus I hate medical stuff like that and I won't be able to do the cutting my self no matter how simple it is! Yuck!

Today is Tuesday. . . and I have made it six weeks! I can't wait to see where this journey leads. 
 
 

Time flies while I gimp along!

It has been 2 months since I last wrote anything for this blog! So the last thing I mentioned was prepping for surgery and I had been in the hospital being monitored for my Heart rate dropping down into the 30's.

After coming home from the hospital I made an appointment with my cardiologist to see what he had to say about what was going on. He was not pleased with the news and scheduled me for a Lexi scan which is essentially a stress test that is chemically induced rather than exercise induced. That worked out much better because with my hip issue walking for any long distance just was not going to be happening.
 
I went to the office for my stress test and ended up failing that just like I failed my ECHO test. The RN who was running my stress test had told me it was ok to eat right after the test and that I should immediately get some caffeine on board because one of the side effects of the medication that is used for the Lexi scan causes headaches. Well for me it caused nausea and vomiting. Regardless I was feeling like crap. I was telling myself after this test that I should always take someone with me just in case I have another weird reaction! 

I got a call from my cardiologists nurse on the following Monday informing me that I had failed the test and that they wanted to schedule me for a Cardiac Catheterization. I was working in Defiance OH that day and the news that I was going to need a cath and it was the week before surgery freaked me out. Not so much the need for the cath but I was terrified that they were going to have to cancel my surgery and I would not be able to get in to have it done until January. So when the scheduler called me I was sobbing and was a basket case. Luckily they were able to schedule me for Wednesday of the same week so that was a relief.

I had my sister take me to the hospital for the cath and a friend and my older son came along to keep me company. I was a bit worried about having a procedure done at the hospital where I used to work. But it turned out to be a lovely day and loads of people popped in to say hello and wish  me well. They took me back to the procedure room and did the cath through my radial artery and hip hip hooray I have NO blockages!! And my surgery could go ahead as planned.


Surgery day 12/4/12 both of my children and my mother decided to accompany me to Columbus for this surgery. When I had my arthroscopy mom was in CA visiting my sister Laura. And my boys figured that my sister and friends could keep them posted, both guys thought the updates were too few and far between and they both worried so this time they came along. They learned that hanging out at the hospital in the surgery waiting room for HOURS is boring! And that the few and far between updates they got last time were exactly what they got sitting in the hospital. 

I had to be there around 9:30AM for some additional Xrays and then off to surgery to register. It took a while before someone came and escorted me to the pre op area. Of course the time in pre op last's forever and it seems like you are never going back.
My nurse and I had an interesting discussion about allergies and pain and how a simple food allergy to chicken of all things had caused her to be almost house bound. She told me about a place in Columbus called Nutrition Results that does intensive testing and she said without them she would not have been working that day. http://www.nutritionresultsorder.com/

Both the PA Tiffany and my Surgeon popped in to say hello and get things signed and ready to go. I really am not sure what time I went back to the OR. I transferred to the  OR table and sat up on the side chatting with the CRNA about her Anesthesia machine and telling her about the one our company has. . . and then nothing.
I had a spinal as well as general anesthesia and was completely out before I laid down on the table! (That is the same way they did the last surgery but they put in the spinal in the pre op area the last time).

I only have vague memories of waking up from surgery and being wheeled down the hall to my room and seeing my oldest son wandering the hall with my crutches. Shortly after getting settled in my new room the family came traipsing in and once they knew I was ok younger son was ready to go home and sleep! They visited for a little while and then headed back home.



Recovery 12/4/12 to 12/6/12
I spent 2 days at the hospital and yes I was up and walking with a walker the very next day. The first night was rough because they gave me an antibiotic that I was sure I was allergic to but had only had one time before. Regardless it made me very nauseated which made it hard to keep my pain under control. Once they stopped that antibiotic I was much better. For some reason my magnesium levels were low and they had to give me magnesium both days. I need to get that checked again since surgery and see where I am now. Low magnesium levels have been proven to be the cause of joint pain and I hurt all the time in many different joints not just my hip.

I worked with PT the morning after surgery and they were impressed with how well I was moving. I was motivated to get to the bathroom since the nurse had taken out my catheter earlier in the morning and I was desperate to get up and pee. I made many treks to the bathroom on my own after they were sure I could do it alone. Unfortunately the walking was more successful than the peeing and I had to have a catheter again later in the day. I think the spinal makes my bladder sleepy and I just can't pee! The same thing happened after my Hysterectomy and my Arthroscopy. Oh well such is life.

My older son came in my van to pick me up on the 6th. Mom does not like driving my van and I knew riding in her Element would not be comfy, so Andy agreed to drive up in my van to fetch me. We stopped at the Walgreens in the basement of the hospital to fill my prescriptions before heading home. And then he loaded me up and headed out. We stopped half way home at the rest stop and I gimped my way to the restroom. I stop at this rest stop all the time and never paid any attention to how freaking far it is from the parking area. Sheesh that was rough but necessary since I was hurting from sitting and I needed to move.
We got home and I got settled into my bed and was exhausted from the journey!!!

It is 3:30 AM and I am finally getting tired again. More later in another post!!!!